


Laughing Stars

by Baeruto



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Alternate Universe - Beach, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crying Killua Zoldyck, Day At The Beach, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Oblivious Gon Freecs, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad Gon, Trans Alluka Zoldyck, Unrequited Love, Whump, soft killua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baeruto/pseuds/Baeruto
Summary: Killua and Gon spend a day at the beach before Killua moves away with Alluka.The stars laugh at them.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	Laughing Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story 1)for a friend of mine who actually does NOT ship KilluGon, it's a prank gift, 2)because I was struck by inspiration at 3am :) 
> 
> Blame Billie Eilish for the angst and hurt feels. Ocean Eyes is the song I drew my insipration from. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

_When soulmates meet, stars collide._

_Like creation and destruction all at once._

Two halves become whole, and yet neither is complete. Each relying on the other’s existence. If one ever fades, the other flickers away as well. One can never exist without the other. This codependency is both a blessing, and a burden.

Saying goodbye is impossible.

_Impossible._

Killua felt a tug on his shirt, Alluka was giving him pouty eyes. He must’ve been zoning out again. That was happening more and more often, according to his worried little sister. He seriously needed to knock it out. Especially now that he was spending a day at the beach with Gon and Alluka together. They are the last two people he wants to worry.

“Killuaaaa!” His name was cried out in a way only Gon could do, and his heart immediately faltered along with his feet.

_Gon._

Honey eyes caught ocean ones, and before he could even open his mouth, his hands were full of _Gon._ Warm caramel skin, muscular arms that clung around his neck, and that rustic smell that followed him everywhere. Killua was helpless in seconds. This was it. His weakness. His kryptonite. _Gon Freecss_ had him hopelessly relaxed with a single touch – that was all it took. Killua’s own arms finally reciprocated the hug. Beach toys dropped by his feet. He sighed.

Alluka held in a giggle. She knew her brother was putty around Gon.

Likewise, with Gon. He hadn’t even acknowledged Alluka’s presence yet, which she would find offensive, if the hug she was witnessing weren’t so darn adorable.

It felt like an eternity passed before Gon finally let go of Killua. His smile didn’t move an inch, and his dimples were on full display. Killua wanted to shove that silly look off his face because it made him feel all sorts of embarrassing things. Butterflies and all that crap. Seriously, Gon had too much power over him. It was impossible to _not_ feel weak around that look.

“Alluka!” Gon beamed at his sister gleefully, earning a shy smile from Alluka.

“Hey, Gon.” She held her full hands up, carrying two donut floaties and a colorful bucket, “Any help here?”

That was all she needed to say before Gon was at her side and happily taking the stuff himself, “Of course!”

Killua watched scornfully, “Alluka-Chan, I’m already carrying the heavy stuff, why are you making Gon carry that easy stuff?”

Her response was a simple giggle, “He doesn’t mind, right Gon?”

Gon nodded eagerly, a tender smile on his lips, “I already have my stuff set down on the beach, so it’s no big deal – don’t worry, Killua.”

Killua frowned a bit in displeasure but went along with their antics anyway. He knew Gon didn’t mind. There were very few things Gon _did_ mind. That is what made Killua worry so much after all. It was never a big deal for him. Ever.

They carried everything past the tree garden, down the flower hills, and across the boardwalk. The beach is just as he remembered. Tan colored sand against crashing waves of crystal water. The sky, clear and bright, was mirrored across the ocean. Like some distorted image swaying back and forth. The few clouds that did scatter across the sky were soft cotton boats drifting meaninglessly.

The first to act, per usual, is Gon.

He sprints across the heated sand, barefoot and all, rushing to his lime umbrella. From where he stood, Killua could see an umbrella – poorly placed into the sand – beside a towel. Numerous toys, which Killua could only assume were sandcastle building tools, scattered around the towel. Gon jumps up enthusiastically once he reaches the spot, his feet probably burned by the sand. Still, his grin widens at the sight of Killua watching him from afar.

“Killua, Alluka – come on, hurry!”

Before even stepping on the sand, Killua felt Alluka pull his shirt collar, “Big brother… I kind of made other plans.” She stuck her tongue out mischievously.

“W-What?” He chocked, clearly offended by her statement – because _seriously,_ they had spent weeks planning this trip – Gon would be very disappointed. Killua was disappointed.

Alluka pouted softly, “I said I made other plans big bro,” she took his hand into hers, “I promised Bisky we would go to a karaoke bar – you know, the one we go to – so that’s where I’m going now.”

“Alluka, what about our plans with _Gon_? Plus, you can’t fool me, you’ve known about our trip for weeks,” He huffed, “why did you purposely make plans today?”

Alluka stood awkwardly under his suspicious gaze, before sighing, “Because I want to give you some alone time with Gon – you know – because this is the _last_ time, you’ll see each other…”

_The last time._

Killua had been trying to avoid bringing that up. It wasn’t some big secret. Gon knew. Everyone knew. Killua and Alluka were moving away. He needed a fresh start with his sister. Being here was inconvenient and uncomfortable. The Zoldyck estate was nearby, and he knew it made Alluka feel upset. Sad. Memories of their family neglecting and ignoring her wishes. All because they refused to accept her identity. They refused to respect her needs. The simple thought of how she was treated made Killua’s veins boil with blood.

_She deserves respect. She deserves happiness._

Even if that happiness is far away from Gon.

“Alluka, you don’t need to concern yourself with me and Gon,” Killua gently pecked her forehead, “all that matters to me, is your happiness.”

“Thank you, big brother,” she smiled, then aggressively poked his forehead, “but you can’t lie to me! I know _Gon_ matters too. He matters a lot.” 

She wasn’t wrong, but still, she was his priority. Now his head hurt. “Do you have a ride to the karaoke bar?”

Alluka nodded, “yup, I ordered an Uber like halfway here,” she giggled at her brother’s incredulous look, “I better get going if I don’t wanna pay the late fee.”

Without any more arguing, Killua waved his sister off. He watched her turn and run all the way down the boardwalk and across the field. Her figure became smaller and smaller, until finally, she was gone from his sight. He sighed. _A day at the beach alone with Gon._ A lot worst could happen, honestly. It didn’t sound so bad.

Speaking of Gon.

Killua heard a shout from behind him, and his head turned at lightning speed.

_Warmth._

There, on the shore, Gon stood drenched in water. His skin was dripping with salty droplets, and his hair was soaking wet as well. His freckles were visibly brightened by the sunlight. He held up what appeared to be a conch shell. A blinding smile sent Killua’s way.

_His heart stuttered._

_Go to him._

_Before you run out of time._

Killua ran full speed across the beach, sandals digging past burning sand. Still, he felt nothing but joy. Gon laughed aloud, finding his urgency to reach him weird. Finally, they stood face-to-face. One whiff was all Killua needed to smell the ocean on his friend. The mixture of salt and nature – _Gon Freecss._ His first friend. His best friend. His real, honest-to-God, soulmate. That was Gon Freecss to him.

_Were his feelings reciprocated?_

“Killua! Look, a gift for you!” He nearly shoved the shell into his friend’s hands.

The conch was peach colored, simple and smooth, it really was quite nice. Killua smiled down at it. This must be the reason Gon is soaking wet.

“Where is Alluka?” The innocent question shook Killua out of his thoughts.

“Ah…sorry Gon, she had something important come up. Surprise online quiz or whatever-“ before he could even finish his sentence, he saw something dark move inside the conch shell, and he shrieked. The shell fell onto the sand from his shock. Gon was quick to pick it back up himself and look inside.

“W-What the hell is that thing!” Killua stuttered in fear.

Gon smiled cheekily, “Looks like she’s still living here – the queen conch – look!” He moved the shell closer to Killua, and he backed away with a look of absolute horror.

“Keep that thing away from me! What the hell is a queen conch?!”

“It’s the sea snail that lives inside conch shells, duh.” Gon stared down at the snail with adoring eyes, “it’s so cute – don’t you want your gift anymore?” he pouted sadly.

_His friend was so weird._ He is the only person who would get excited about a sea snail living inside the conch shell he found. Killua hates creepy… slimy… gross things. It doesn’t even look like a snail. It looks like a gross gray meat pouch with eyes. A shiver ran down his spine. The shell was so nice – now the moment is ruined. He huffed, arms crossed, “you seriously want me to keep that? Don’t you think it belongs in the ocean… or whatever.”

Gon silently stared down at the conch shell, a sad smile on his lips. Killua had a point. Gon did sort of kidnap the poor sea snail. She was probably confused. Missing home. The ocean. With a final nod, he decided, “you’re right Killua. Her home is in the ocean. She belongs there.”

_Good grief,_ Killua thought to himself.

Gon strolled back towards the shore, his steps slower and slower the closer the got. Once he was hips deep in the ocean, he placed the shell back inside. Gentle waves crashed against his chest. The sea was calm. The wind was calm. Only the harsh sun reached them. He was accustomed to harsh sunlight. His tan skin being proof. This is his home, after all. Nature. The water, the wind, the sky – they were his home. Still, something was missing. Something made his chest tighten, and his lungs struggle.

Like a lightbulb, he turned to search for Killua.

His friend stood at the shore silently. The sight of him relaxed Gon immediately. For a horrific moment, he believed his friend was gone. Like he never existed at all. Impossible.

_Killua is everything._

“Get in the water, Killua! It’s actually nice and warm.” A lie. The water was quite cold. Still, Gon knows Killua hates cold water, so he hides the truth.

Killua knows he’s lying and sticks his tongue out, “nah – I’ll just chill over here and make a sand dungeon or something.”

“A-A what!? No, Killuaaaa!” Gon splashes around the water, impatiently calling out his friend.

To no avail, Killua remains seated at the shore, shovel and bucket in his hands. Gon frustratingly dives into the water, swimming further from the shore. He could have fun alone, then. He didn’t always need Killua. Yeah, maybe he wants Killua by his side – so they can play tag in the water and race each other too – but he can swim around alone, too. No big deal. It would be like when he was younger and lived with Aunt Mito on Whale Island.

_He was always alone back then._

Gon didn’t _need_ anyone.

Suddenly, he felt his left foot get caught in something. He reached down with both hands, trying to feel for whatever he was stuck on, and felt some seaweed tangled around his ankle. He also saw something that looked like a plastic bag near his right foot. _Gon needed oxygen now._ In a panic, he started to detangle his ankle, and abruptly something shocked him. He opened his eyes wide, and accidentally, made the awful mistake of gasping.

_Now he was in trouble._

Water filled his mouth, reaching into his lungs. His chest was burning up. The shock he felt earlier wasn’t so bad – it only stung a little – but it caught him by surprise. Now he was struggling for air, and his eyes were filled with salt, he just can’t keep them open anymore.

_How far away from the shore is he?_

_Will Killua reach him in time?_

_Will Killua be able to find him at all?_

_Will he even know Gon is in trouble?_

_Does it even matter?_

_Killua is leaving anyway._

_He doesn’t need Gon anymore._

_And that is just fine._

Gon wasn’t sure if his tears were because of the salt in his eyes, the water in his lungs, or sadness in his heart. He wanted to believe all three reasons made sense. Floating here, in the ocean, surrounded by bubbles and seaweed – this wasn’t such a horrible end. Maybe it was the end he deserved. The burning in his lungs was gone, so that was a plus. Perhaps that meant he was close to the finish line, now. His eyes no longer stung, and his vision was blurred.

Killua would be pissed.

The thought made Gon struggle a bit.

Tender arms wrapped around his body, but his eyes were too blurred to see. He didn’t need to see to know who it was, though. He could recognize these arms with touch alone.

_Killua._

He wasn’t sure if it was relief or disappointment he felt.

_Truthfully, it didn’t matter anyway. He lost consciousness before they could reach land._

When his eyes opened again, the bright sky was gone. As was the harsh sunlight. All he saw were stars. It must be hours later. The thought was disappointing. A day wasted because he couldn’t properly swim by himself. He bit the inside of his cheek. _His last day with Killua, gone._ He didn’t deserve his time, anyway.

This was punishment for thinking all those awful things earlier.

“K-Killua, “ his throat was raspy, but that wouldn’t stop him, “w-what happened-“

Before he could even finish the sentence, a stinging slap hit his cheek. The sound was loud. Skin hitting skin. Gon felt his eyes burn again, tears threatening to spill out again. _No. He deserved that._

A sobbing cry was what really scared Gon.

Lifting his gaze, he saw Killua sitting beside him, head in between his knees, arms protectively covering himself. His hair was still dripping wet from when Gon assumed he dove into the ocean searching for him. At that moment, Gon only saw helplessness. His friend was shaking, _crying,_ because of him. Killua – the strongest person he knows – appeared as delicate as a small child, alone and frightened. It isn’t right.

“You, stupid idiot…” Killua sobbed in between words, “ _fuck you_ for making me worry like that.”

A chuckle.

Killua’s head snapped with anger, “Is that shit funny to you?!”

Gon said nothing.

“I-Is that fucking funny to you?” anger became honest fury, “If you can’t swim, stay out the fucking water-!”

“I can swim!”

“FUCK NO, YOU CAN’T!” The words were so loud they froze Gon into silence. “You didn’t see what I saw – the way you were just… floating motionless – like some broken doll. The way your skin paled, and your eyes shut, and all the water that…”

_All the water that I pushed out your lungs._

No, he wasn’t there. It was like he was already gone. Killua _felt_ like he was already gone – the crippling fear that overcame him was… impossible to describe. At least not in words. Maybe not even in actions. He could never possibly explain how helplessly alone he felt at the sight of Gon… struggling for life.

Of course, Gon wouldn’t understand.

It was pointless trying to explain, because Killua’s feelings were different from Gon’s.

“Killua…” a whisper beside him. Gon was at a loss for words.

There wasn’t a point in trying to hide anything, anymore. He was leaving tomorrow, so it was now or never. And never, was never an option for them.

Pale lips connected with tanned ones, and for a moment, the universe became whole.

The stars were jealous. Jealous because Killua could kiss Gon. Jealous because Killua was kissing Gon, and they could never do the same. They watched from afar, whispering in jealous rage, because those tanned lips were unattainable to them. Those dimpled cheeks, and freckled face, impossible to touch. As beautiful as they are, the stars can never be near Gon.

Killua would soon face the same tragedy.

Just as quick as the kiss came, it left.

Killua knew the stars were no longer jealous. They were laughing.

Because Killua was in love, and Gon was not.

“Did you try your hardest to detangle yourself, Gon” The desperation in Killua’s voice was shocking to both boys. He _needed_ to know the truth.

“I-I was detangling myself – because I needed air – but I think a jellyfish must’ve stung me, and I gasped for air accidentally-“

_“Answer me, Gon._ Did you ever stop trying?”

No. He didn’t give up trying. It just became too difficult to handle. His physical pain with the emotional pain. The desire to survive was weakened by the desire to just _stop feeling._ Gon didn’t want to die – no, not in the slightest – but he did want to stop feeling so hopeless. Killua was leaving, and that fact rung in his head until he lost consciousness. It was his final thought.

“No! Why are you asking me this?”

“Because it’s important, Gon. You’re important – your life – your existence is important to me don’t you realize that?” The crack in his voice was evident, but he didn’t care, “you are so important…”

_Then why was he leaving?_

It was a selfish thought, and Gon knew that. He understood why Killua was leaving. He understood that Alluka was his priority now and wishing anything else would be selfish and mean. Killua was always there for him, time and time again, he would clean up after him. It was his turn to leave Gon, now. Just like everyone did eventually. Just like his father did all those years ago, too.

“Why did you kiss me…” he wanted to ask before the clock ran out.

“You _know_ why, Gon,” moonlit hands caressed his cheek, “you already know, don’t you?”

_I love you._

The stars were laughing.

_“I love you.”_

A gust of cold wind blew past them. Plastic buckets and shovels left forgotten on the shore.

_“I know.”_

**Author's Note:**

> A cliff hanger? On a one-shot? yikes... don't hate me too much.
> 
> I wonder who said I love you... and who didn't say it back. 
> 
> You can yell at me on my Tumblr main @attack-on-bocchan :) I accept all sad feels.


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